And A Child Shall Lead Them

I spent the entire spring semester working on a research paper on civility in America.  My research documented the increasing rudeness shown in social interactions, especially by people of different ages.  I have seen it.  I have been on the receiving end of it.  I have probably even been on the giving end of it.  I KNOW I have been on the giving end of it. 

Experts claim there are various reasons for this decline in how we treat each other. Stress is big. Being in a hurry. Lack of concern for the feelings of other people. Impatience. Selfishness.  Narcissism. Intolerance.  These last ones are really big!  People, especially young people, have no patience for anyone that is different or in any way inconveniences them. Basically, we are polite when it benefits us to be polite (at work, when we want something from the other person, etc.) but careless, impatient, unthinking and rude at other times.  And this rudeness is prevalent throughout society: at work, at school, on the road, in the media, in our homes.

It is that last area -- our homes -- that I have been more and more concerned with.  More specifically, in MY home.  I know I have taught my children about being polite to other people, but to them sisters don't seem to count at "other people" deserving of restrained responses. After watching some interactions as they fight for control of the bathroom or the television, I have worried that maybe I have failed as a mother to teach them the manners and skills required to succeed in the adult world which they are soon to enter.

And then my children surprise me. Today as we drove home and turned on our street we saw this:

The man in the wheelchair was going about 1 mph.  Every few feet he would stop and punch a button on his phone. It was clear he was using some kind of automated phone system and was completely engrossed in his call.  He was unaware that we were at a total standstill, waiting for him to move to the side or speed up.  I wasn't in a hurry, but was ready to honk to let him know we were there.  As I moved my hand my girls yelled, "NO!" and grabbed my phone, taking the above photo.

Some might think their reaction was mocking or rude, making fun of the older man.  But they were grinning from ear to ear, much like we adults do when watching a small child who is completely engrossed in making mud pies or splashing in a water puddle.  They kept saying, "That is so awesome!" and "I love it!"  And while they had been a touch grumpy on the ride home from school, they were now, and have remained for hours, cheerful and happy.

The man put away his phone and continued on his way, still blissfully unaware that he had delayed us in any way. And that made my girls even happier. As he drove off I realized that maybe, just maybe, my children have learned something from me, after all.  But I KNOW I have learned something from them.

The Blessings of Struggling

Four weeks to go and this semester is OVER!

This has been a really hectic semester.  Not only am I carrying 18 credits this semester in a program where most classes are in 8-week blocks, but I am writing my senior capstone research paper, being a single mom of three teenagers - one in rehearsals for a school play and one on the school softball team - and dealing with normal struggles of a single parenting, full-time college student, and modern woman.  That's a pretty full plate!

I have often felt overwhelmed and stressed this semester, but just when things seem to reach a point where I don't feel I can go forward, something happens to alleviate the stress.

- Class discussions frequently give me new insights into my research topic.

- My ex-husband volunteered to be assistant coach and get our daughter home from practice three times a week, thus lightening my load considerably.

- I attended a conference at school where the keynote speaker has studied my topic for two decades and she willingly sat with me afterwards for 30+ minutes to discuss my paper, my struggles to find sources, and the strengthen of my argument.  She gave me new insights, enthusiastically encouraged me in both the paper and my education, and told me exactly which sources would give me the information I felt I was missing.  What an answer to prayers!

- Last night some friends "kidnapped" me and "forced" me to eat Mexican food, talk and laugh for hours, and let go of some of the stress that has kept me wound up so tightly.

As I think about the ways each of these, and other, events have blessed me I am reminded that the Lord is aware of me.  He knows my struggles.  He knows what I need to stretch myself and He knows when He has pushed me to my limits and it is time to provide relief.  I admit I have cried and I have been frustrated and I have moved forward without understanding what I needed to do, but I have also grown through these struggles.  I will be glad when this semester is over in four weeks, but I wouldn't trade this semester for anything because of the things I have learned, both in school and at home.  It has been a hectic semester, yes, but I am SO glad it happened. 

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

While teaching my class at church today, we talked about shepherds.  We talked about how sheep know the voice of their shepherd and how they will follow their shepherds (rather than being herded from behind).  We also talked about how much shepherds love their sheep.  They will look for their lost sheep and will protect them from wolves and other wild animals.

At the end of the lesson we made fluffy lambs using cotton balls.  Here is my sample for the children to follow:

One little boy said he didn't want to be a sheep.  He preferred to be a wolf!  When I handed out the lambs to color, he said he wanted to make a dead lamb "with x eyes."  Here is his picture:

Clearly, I missed something in my deliverance of the lesson material!  Ha Ha

Keeping the Peace

At church every Sunday I teach a class of 7 and 8 year old kids.  They are SO much fun!  I love each and every one of them. 

I especially love the things they say.  For instance, last week we talked about being a peacemaker.  We talked about what a peacemaker does and one young man said, "You can be a peaceMAKER or a peaceBREAKER."  Very insightful.  At the end of class I challenged them each to try to be a peacemaker at home this week.

Thursday night I saw one of the little girls in my class at another church activity.  She is usually really happy and smiles all the time but as she walked up to me Thursday night she had a very sad, serious face.  She said, "I failed.  I tried to be a peacemaker this week and I failed."  I am so proud of her for trying and I am happy that she feels bad about not succeeding.  I hope she keeps trying.

Protection

A former business associate sent me a link to his niece's blog.  Tara was diagnosed with a brain tumor the day she picked up her wedding invitations.  Instead of addressing invitations that night, the family prayed and discussed the proposed surgery.  Tara recovered from surgery so quickly that she was able to be married on the date they had initially planned to be married.  Her blog link is on my sidebar if you want to read her story.  You'll have to go back to May and June 2010 to read about the diagnosis and wedding.

Not long ago Tara shared part of a letter from a missionary friend.  This young sister shared some thoughts that helped Tara, but I thought they might help each of us, as well.  The missionary said:

"Do you know the hymn "Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me?"  Think of it like this.  The waves He is piloting are the trials that are saving us from harder things - the ROCKS...They are a protection against the rocks that are under the surface.  I had never thought about that before... that God may give us trials to protect us from some form of even greater destruction. How lucky we are to have trials that can stretch us and make us grow."

So here is my translation of what I understood:

Think of yourself as steering a boat on the ocean water.  Each of our vessels will rise and fall with the waves.  In life we call these hills and valleys "challenges" or "trials."  We often assume that those highs and lows are random and have no real purpose, except to "help us grow".  But what if the Lord, who controls all things, actually sends us challenges to protect us?  Maybe by lifting us high on the water, we are somehow avoiding something dangerous below.  I had never thought of my challenges as a form of protection, but I am intrigued by the idea.  Do I struggle with a situation because the Lord wants me to avoid a different situation that I might encounter if left to myself?  And if I gain the ability to trust His completely, will the highs and lows become easier to handle?

I know that the Lord is there for us.  I often struggle to figure out why He is sending me the situations I have in my life.  Sometimes I think I am incredibly dense because I don't see His purposes.  But perhaps I am just looking at things in the wrong light.  It is definitely something to ponder.

Strength

The past month has been amazing! 

Five weeks ago I returned to college as a full-time student.  I had put this off for over two decades and the longer I waited the harder it became.  That first week of school was nerve-wracking.  I didn't know where I was going on campus.  As I attempted to juggle classes, homework, parenting, work, and other responsibilities I felt very overwhelmed.  

With a little distance I can put everything in perspective now.  All those new responsibilites seemed like a huge mountain that was suddenly plunked down in my path.  However, as we start to climb the mountains in our lives we gain strength and endurance.  We learn our own capabilities and we gain confidence.  School has been this kind of challenge.  While I am not yet on top of the mountain, I can look back and see the progress I have made and I am gaining strength and confidence to keep moving up the mountain. 

And it feels great!

Motivation

Blog Challenge:

Everyone has a conversion story.  Share yours with us.

I was born of goodly parents who were members of the LDS church.  I was baptized at age 8 and our family attended church faithfully every week.  I served as class president in my Young Womens classes and attended seminary.  When I went to college I attended church every Sunday.  It never occurred to me to skip church.

I served in a variety of leadership positions in my Young Single Adult (YSA) wards in the next several years.  I was very involved in the wards and attended nearly every activity.  I received my temple endowments at age 23 and continued to serve in my ward.  I read the scriptures, prayed regularly, and went to the temple whenever I could. 

All my life I had heard stories from converts to the LDS Church.  Sometimes I envied them because they always seemed to have such a strong conviction of the gospel.  They usually had a specific moment in time when they suddenly knew that the Church was true.  I didn't have that.  I had lived my entire life doing the things I had been taught to do but I started to question why I had done them.  I could not claim to have had a particular experience that solidified my testimony.  Did I attend church for the social aspects?  Did I do it because I didn't want to disappoint my parents and leaders?  What was my motivation?

I struggled with these questions for some time.  I would like to say that I eventually had one specific moment when I suddenly realized that the Church was true.  However, it didn't happen that way. Instead, understanding came slowly, over the course of several years. 

When I started questioning my motives I was Activities Chairman in my YSA ward.  We put a great deal of prayer and planning into each and every activity.  As I watched the reaction of the young adults who attended our ward activities, I began to realize that the Spirit could be felt even at a ward dinner or a more energetic activity.  I just had not recognized that the feelings of joy and happiness I felt after a ward activity were the Spirit.  

I was later called as Gospel Doctrine teacher.  Of necessity, I began to study the scriptures as I never had before.  I began to recognize that I had a testimony of so many individual gospel principles.  As I taught each week, I was surprised to find how often the talks in Sacrament Meeting related to the topics for the Sunday School and Relief Society lessons, often building on one another.  Ward members often shared personal experiences and insights during lessons that illustrated the points in the lesson and provided greater understanding.  I watched ward members grow in the gospel and make significant changes in their lives.  I slowly realized that I had always attended my Sunday meetings because I knew the Church was true.  I attended church because I thirsted for more knowledge and because I felt the Spirit there.

I hadn't recognized the depth of my testimony because it had grown slowly over the course of my lifetime, but it had been there all along.  I had a testimony just as sure as any convert.  That was what motivated me to do all the things I did.

The Rock

I came across this story in a file of old papers today.  It has been said that we are our own worst critic.  I know that this is especially true for me.  I often feel that I come up short.  I liked the message in this story because it reminded me that I am not the one who must decide my success or failure.  I need to let the Lord do that.  I simply need to do my best and it will be enough.  

The Rock

It all happened on a warm spring night:

I was sleeping in my bedroom after a long day of work, when suddenly the bedroom was filled with light and the Savior was in front of me.

He said He had a great work for me to do and He showed me a big rock. After that He explained to me that the work would be to push against the rock with all my strength.

That was the idea.

For many days I tried hard, day after day, my shoulders pressing against the cold surface of the rock. Pushing with all my strength, I retired to my bedroom in the same state: tired, depressed, withered, feeling that the day was spent in vain.

Seeing that I started to show signs of discouragement, Satan decided to enter the scene and put thoughts in my mind, such as: “Why am I torturing myself like this? I’ve been pushing this rock every day and I haven’t even budged it one millimeter.”

I started to think that my work was impossible; that I was worthy; that I was a useless servant because I couldn’t move the rock. These thoughts depressed me even more so I started making less efforts, thinking: “Why do I punish myself like this? I will make only a minimal effort – that will be enough.”

That’s what I was planning to do until I decided to take my sorrow to the Lord. “Lord,” I said, “I’ve been working hard and for a long time in your service. I’ve put all my strength in the work you commanded me to do even though, after all this time, I couldn’t move the rock – not even a millimeter. What is wrong? Where am I failing?”

The Lord answered, “My child, a long time ago when I asked you to serve me, you accepted. I commanded you to push the rock with all of your strength, and that you have done.

“Never once did I tell you that I hoped you would move it – no, not alone. The work was for you to push! And now you come to me without strength, convinced that you have failed and ready to leave it, but…have you really failed?
“Your arms are stronger; your back is strengthened and bronzed from the sun. Your hands are calloused from the constant pressure, and your legs more firm. Through the opposition you have grown. Your ability to overcome is more than before. And even though you didn’t move the rock, you come to me with a broken heart and your body faint.

“My beloved child, I will move the rock. Your work was to be obedient and push, exercise faith and trust in my wisdom. And that, my child, is what you have done.”

Good Is Always Good

One of my favorite family memories took place a few years ago. We had some kind of family gathering at my parents’ home that included my sister’s family, too. At some point my mom turned on an Elvis Presley CD. Mom and Dad started dancing around the living room. Before long, EVERYONE was dancing around, the music had been turned up, and we were all singing along. It was so much fun! Good music is always good. The same can be said for a good movie or a good book. Some of my children’s all-time favorite movies were made before they were born and some of their all-time favorite picture books are the same ones I read as a child. If a movie or a book is good, it will always be good.

I recently started attending college again. I am taking an Introduction to Law class. One of the concepts we discussed involved this idea of good is always good. Natural laws are those that are universally accepted as being good. For example, everyone knows that it is good not to kill someone else, not to steal someone else’s property, and to have freedom from oppression. These laws use common sense and an inborn feeling of what is right and what is wrong. Unfortunately, sometimes people ignore this inborn moral compass so positive, or written, laws are created to remind everyone what is good. Positive laws usually have a consequence tied to them. People who obey natural and positive laws are generally happier than people who ignore them. They also have more freedoms than the people who disobey the laws and must face the consequences of their choices.

This concept was not new to me. I have heard it all my life as I have studied the gospel. Everyone is born with the Light of Christ to help us recognize what is good. Because some people ignore their internal moral compass, the Lord has written down His commandments, or rules, for us to follow. These commandments remind us what is good and often have consequences attached to them. People who disobey commandments often find their choices limited by the consequences of their decisions. They are often unhappy and frustrated with the direction their lives have taken. People who make good choices are generally happier.

The thing I also noticed is that natural laws and commandments that are good don’t change with time. Good is always good. It is always good to be free from slavery and oppression. It is always good to respect the property and lives of others. It is always good to be morally clean. It is always good to love and serve others. It is always good to pray and to study the scriptures. All of these things that were good 100 years ago, or a 1,000 years ago are still good today. Good is always good.

I love it when my school work makes sense in the real world!