I spent the entire spring semester working on a research paper on civility in America. My research documented the increasing rudeness shown in social interactions, especially by people of different ages. I have seen it. I have been on the receiving end of it. I have probably even been on the giving end of it. I KNOW I have been on the giving end of it.
Experts claim there are various reasons for this decline in how we treat each other. Stress is big. Being in a hurry. Lack of concern for the feelings of other people. Impatience. Selfishness. Narcissism. Intolerance. These last ones are really big! People, especially young people, have no patience for anyone that is different or in any way inconveniences them. Basically, we are polite when it benefits us to be polite (at work, when we want something from the other person, etc.) but careless, impatient, unthinking and rude at other times. And this rudeness is prevalent throughout society: at work, at school, on the road, in the media, in our homes.
It is that last area -- our homes -- that I have been more and more concerned with. More specifically, in MY home. I know I have taught my children about being polite to other people, but to them sisters don't seem to count at "other people" deserving of restrained responses. After watching some interactions as they fight for control of the bathroom or the television, I have worried that maybe I have failed as a mother to teach them the manners and skills required to succeed in the adult world which they are soon to enter.
And then my children surprise me. Today as we drove home and turned on our street we saw this:
The man in the wheelchair was going about 1 mph. Every few feet he would stop and punch a button on his phone. It was clear he was using some kind of automated phone system and was completely engrossed in his call. He was unaware that we were at a total standstill, waiting for him to move to the side or speed up. I wasn't in a hurry, but was ready to honk to let him know we were there. As I moved my hand my girls yelled, "NO!" and grabbed my phone, taking the above photo.
Some might think their reaction was mocking or rude, making fun of the older man. But they were grinning from ear to ear, much like we adults do when watching a small child who is completely engrossed in making mud pies or splashing in a water puddle. They kept saying, "That is so awesome!" and "I love it!" And while they had been a touch grumpy on the ride home from school, they were now, and have remained for hours, cheerful and happy.
The man put away his phone and continued on his way, still blissfully unaware that he had delayed us in any way. And that made my girls even happier. As he drove off I realized that maybe, just maybe, my children have learned something from me, after all. But I KNOW I have learned something from them.
